Theosophical Madness
by Mpmvirgo1
Summary: To be a magus is to walk side by side with dead. Of course, that doesn't mean you can't have some fun while you do so. He was a thrill seeker, a swindler, a magician, yet many people called him mad. So, what would happen when the world's most hedonistic individual, takes an interest in an innocent boy who dreams of becoming a hero? Madness, that's what!


"Gah!"

Shirou Emiya yelled in pain as his back smashed against a wooden support beam. Every single bone in his body was on fire, yet he forced himself to work through the pain.

Not a second too soon, as he briefly caught a red glint that streaked towards his face. Working on instinct, he dove to the side and crashed through the walls of his house into his backyard as a red spear impaled the spot he had been a second before.

 _Why... Why did things have to go so wrong?_

Today was supposed to be another normal day for him. He had stayed late after school to help clean up after the dojo, but he had finished later than expected and had worked himself into the night.

It was then that he came upon some... paranormal events. Long story short, he was now attempting to avoid being skewered due to his misfortunate luck. It was like God was out to get him or something.

With a blur of speed, a blue figure appeared before him with a long leg flying towards him. Raising his arms to block, Shirou yelped as he was sent flying backwards against the ground, stopping against the cold stone of his shed.

"Honestly, Kid. Why don't you just give up? It'll make this a whole lot easier for the both of us."

The figure with the red spear called out with a bored tone. He wore a tight blue bodysuit that clung to his figure, easily showing off his chiseled abs. As odd as it may be, it clearly didn't get in the way of his movement. The guy moved so fast that Shirou could barely keep up. His eyes could not process him in time.

This must be what the scientists called 'Flight' instinct. His senses were working in overdrive, allowing him to stave off his death... for a few more minutes, at least. Time was running out and he was slowly losing any chance of escape.

He quickly rolled to the side and pushed himself up. Stumbling desperately, he quickly threw open the doors to the shed and dove in. The blue haired man just sighed and shook his head as he followed after Shirou at a leisurely pace.

"Hah... Hah..."

Shirou panted with exhaustion as he desperately searched for anything that could help him. Quickly reaching for the nearest item, which happened to be a large sheet of paper, he quickly began channeling his prana into it for reinforcement.

And not a moment to soon.

*Whoosh*

Spinning around with the reinforced sheet, he quickly intercepted a thrust from the spearman. However, the makeshift shield immediately exploded into pieces under the force of the strike. It had only served to divert the strike, not block it.

"Huh... Checkmate, kid."

The spearman stood over him with a slightly impressed look. He glanced at all of the remaining paper pieces that fluttered around him.

"That was a pretty surprising move. If I had to guess, that was a magecraft that catered towards the physical strengthening of an object. Quite handy to have."

He scratched his head, seemingly annoyed about something.

"I don't get it, though... You can think quick on your feet, but you're hopeless at magecraft. You do seem to have a knack for it... Perhaps you were meant to be the seventh? " He scratched his chin. "Well... It's not like that matters now. Even if you were, this is the end for you."

"...Screw this."

Shirou rolled over and gritted his teeth. Even if this man was clearly out of his league, there was no way he was going to lie down and accept his death like a dog.

"My life was saved, so I'm not going to roll over and die that easily! I have to live and fulfill my obligations, and I can't do that if I am dead."

There was a red glint as the spear rushed towards his face, yet he did not falter.

"I'm not going to be killed in a place like this... For no good reason by a guy like you, who kills people like it's nothing!"

He felt it. The magic circuits that were within him were exploding with energy. So much so, that it began to illuminate the dark room with blinding white light. The power began leaking everywhere, responding to an old engraving that laid on the floor next to him.

The man stopped his strike in surprise as the engraving began to absorb the power Shirou was emitting.

"What?!"

* * *

"Ah! How interesting!"

Within the outer realm of the world, where no human could reach, a man watched the scene unfold from a small crystal ball. He wore gaudy nobleman's clothes whose coloring made him look more like a court jester than royalty. An odd hat was perched atop his head, having similarities with a top hat that Abraham Lincoln was known to wear.

He sat in the middle of a wooden room, yet that room was the only thing that existed in this dimension of his. Isolated in a realm of imaginary numbers, the room was the only thing that was permitted to exist. After all, he needed a place to keep all of his stuff.

Numerous items were littered across the room in a mess. It was like the dream lair of any hoarder. Seas of books were piled upon each other, along with other handheld devices like old phones to the latest ipods. Cars, guns, and other unknown machinery were also a part of the collection, lying around in heaps. Some of them looked pristine and new, while others were starting to gain rust and dust.

"Such determination! What an unshakable will! To think something like this still exists in the modern age!"

The man laughed to himself as he zoomed in on the red haired boy. He didn't really look like much, but he could tell that the boy was a magus. The presence of magic circuits, while few, were present in the boy.

For the standpoint of a magus, he was horribly below average. The quality and efficiency of those circuits were incredibly poor, making the use of materializing a spell nearly impossible. Compared to him, who was practically a god amongst mages, he was insignificant.

Even his origin and elemental affinity could be considered poor, though this was the first time he had ever seen anything like it. They were a dual existence, both of them being classified as 'sword'. If the boy was ever privy to that knowledge, his body would no doubt enable him to become someone who 'masters the sword'. However, it has severely limited his options when it comes to other magical manners.

"He does look like he's in quite the pickle, though... That doggy is certainly quite rabid." The man muttered as he shifted his attention to the blue haired man. "If things continue on, he might end up killing him like he killed Ferdiad."

He placed a hand under his chin and hummed before smiling. "Well... I don't think the old troll will mind if I mess around a bit. After all, I do technically qualify as a heroic spirit... I think?"

Well, it's not like he did anything heroic. He loved to do things behind the scenes, though most of what he did wasn't what many people would call heroic. He was a hedonist, after all.

"A new body and a new identity would be quite fun. I might need to rewrite him a little bit, but I'm sure I can get him to meet my standards."

Standing up, the man took out a small cane and tapped it against the ground, where several mystical runes began to form. As they began to glow brighter, the boy known as Shirou Emiya began to glow as well.

Smiling crookedly, he tipped his hat in preparation.

"Prepare yourself, boy. I do need a good source of entertainment."

* * *

"What?!"

Cu Chulainn, summoned under the Lancer class, completely forgot about the boy in the heat of the moment as he eyed the glowing summoning circle. As it turns out, it appears like the boy actually intended to be the seventh master.

Quickly pulling his spear back, he prepared himself for what may come out of that circle. On one hand, it could summon a weak heroic spirit with barely any combat capabilities. On the other hand... it could probably spew out someone like Fergus.

The light was starting to intensify, becoming harsher and brighter to the point that he had to actually shield his eyes for protection. As the light began to dim down, he quickly hefted his spear in preparation to defend himself from the servant. At such close quarters, he would be at a massive disadvantage if the servant was a-

He blinked as the light completely disappeared.

There wasn't anybody there.

Lowering his spear, he gave the room a quick look and could ascertain that there weren't any servants in the room. Even if they utilized their spirit form, it would do nothing in the face of another servant.

"Well... Guess that was something. You must be a worse magus than I thought if you could botch up something like this... somehow."

Shirou could only stare dumbly at the man as he tried to process what was going on. Seventh Master? What the hell was he talking about? He glanced at the circle on the ground and frowned. Kiritsugu had never done anything about the weird graffiti, neither had he told him about why it was there.

Perhaps it was some sort of magecraft he never taught him? Besides the basics, he never really went into deep detail on how the inner works of magic work. As such, the purpose of this magic circle was beyond him.

He quickly shook his head and refocused on the situation. This still didn't get rid of the blue man's threat. He was going to get run through by that pointy looking spear.

 _"Why don't you punch him?"_

He froze. There was a voice. A voice that was most certainly not his own. He must be going crazy. The creeping feeling of death was starting to effect his mentality.

 _"Kid... you're not going crazy. If I were you, I'd be more concerned with the man with the pointy spear than some random voice in your head."_

The voice made a sound reminiscent of a man clearing its throat. _"So... Listen up. If you want to get out of this little mess alive, you're going to have to beat the man into submission before he stabs you. I suggest punching him in the face first and then kicking his groin as the finisher."_

 _"I... Have gone absolutely crazy."_

 _"Nope, this is real. Just like how real your death is going to be when he stabs you through the face. You don't want that, now do you?"_

 _"Well... no. I just don't think I can do so. I'm no rocket scientist, but this dude moves way faster than a bullet. He'll move out of the way the second I try to throw a punch."_

 _"Yeah, a few minutes ago perhaps. Now, you're more than ready to give him the business."_ A pause. _"Now you better make up your mind soon. Watch out for his everything."_

 _"Eh?"_

There was a red glint, and Shirou could see the red spear rock towards his face in slow motion. He had heard of Slow Motion Perception, where the brain tightly squeezes in an event to give the illusion of slowing down time during a fatal moment.

However, this seemed quite different. The spear inched closer and closer, yet he felt like it would take an eternity to reach him. Slow Motion Perception was brief, fleeting, not something like this.

Well whatever the case may be, he wasn't going to waste this opportunity. He didn't know how valid the voice in his head was, but slugging the dude was better than nothing.

Quickly, he moved to the side and planted his front foot into the ground. Clenching his fists tightly, he let out a yell of determination as he launched it towards the blue man's face.

"Gah!"

Shirou's fist slammed into the man's face with incredible force, earning a sickening crack as the man was sent flying backwards and onto the cold grass of the estate.

"W-wha?" Lancer mumbled in a stupor as he stared up at the sky. "What happened?"

"Huh... That actually worked." Shirou muttered in awe as he looked at his hand. "What exactly happened?"

 _"Magic happened, kid. How else would a scrawny boy like you manage to send a heroic spirit flying?"_ The voice answered with an amused tone. _"Now, don't quit yet. You may have taken him by surprise, but he's going to get back up soon. You're going to have to continue beating him until he cries uncle."_

"Um... I don't know any martial arts, though."

 _"Oh really? Let me fix that for you."_

Shirou suddenly jolted as numerous images and information began to flood his mind. It was like someone had plugged a USB plug into a computer and began downloading everything at once. He could understand the numerous stances of Karate, Judo, Tai-kwon-do, and other styles he had absolutely no idea about.

"Woah..."

 _"Incredible, right? I learned all these styles on my travels around the world. I have a lot of time on my hands, so it wasn't too much of a big deal to learn them all."_

"...I know kung-fu." Shirou muttered, still in awe at what was happening to him.

A sigh. _"Yes... And as the great Morpheus said: Show me."_

Shirou had no idea who Morpheus was, but he didn't bother to think about it too hard as the blue haired man stood up. Shaking his head, the man hefted his spear and gave a feral grin.

"Damn, kid. That was one hell of a punch." He cracked his neck and smirked. "But if you think that one blow was enough to beat me, I wouldn't really be able to call myself a heroic spiri-"

He was cut off abruptly as Shirou exploded forward and descended on him. It was such a crazy move that only a maniac who didn't care about their own life would pull off. Within an instant, the two of them began pummeling each other into the dirt as fists went flying.

* * *

Rin Tohsaka wasn't known for being athletic. Indeed, it was very seldom that one would ever see the Queen of Fuyuki engage in any physical activities. The only time would ever be in P.E, yet she would often find a way to worm her way out of it somehow.

Yet here she was, running as fast as she possibly could in the direction of the Emiya household.

"Damn it... I should have known that Lancer would have bothered to make sure he was actually dead." She muttered under her breath as she ran. Ever since she had revived Shirou with her Father's amulet, she had dropped her guard out of exhaustion. Fighting in the Holy Grail War wasn't exactly easy.

 _"It is of no concern for you, Master. He is a bystander to the Holy Grail War. Your protocol says that we have to eliminate people like him._

Her servant, Archer, declared with a gruff tone. He wasn't really wrong, no matter how immoral it might be, but she wasn't going to allow it. She couldn't let her fri- classmate get killed again on her watch. She would not tolerate it.

"Archer... Just follow my lead." She sighed, earning only a grunt in response. As she neared the household, she suddenly froze as the sounds of screaming and yelling reached her ears.

"Oh damn it, Shirou..." Rin muttered as she continued running towards the combat, forcibly pushing herself through the bounded field that was around the house. If she had taken things slower, she would have questioned why the Emiya household had a bounded field, but there were a lot more important matters to attend to.

"Archer, where are they at?"

 _"Backyard I believe. There's a lot of magical energy back there."_

"Alright then... give me a boost." She ordered as she sprinted towards the outer wall.

In a slight shimmer, Archer materialized out of spirit form. Quickly scooping her up, he quickly jumped over the wall and began surveying the area, even before he touched the ground.

It was safe to say that he nearly dropped Rin out of shock at what was happening in front of me.

"Get off me, brat!"

"I'm not letting go, damn you! This is my house!"

"Are you- Ack! Where the hell did this crazy strength come from?!"

The servant Lancer, the hound of Ireland and their version of Heracles, struggled with the younger boy as they grappled on the ground. Having been taken by surprise by the boy's massive increase in strength, he found himself in an incredibly disadvantageous position. He wasn't particularly used to this type of fighting, having rarely used his bare hands to kill things ever since he picked up his first weapon.

He had often questioned why his teacher, Scathach, had never taught him much hand-to-hand techniques. Her response had been because it wasn't graceful, having felt that fighting was a sort of an art. The use of brutally brawling with fists wasn't graceful enough for her, so she neglected to teach him much about it.

Now though, he was starting to pay the price.

 _"Yes, lad! Good job! Now give him a back breaker!"_

"Right!"

"Oi Kid, what the hell are you- !"

Rin and Archer gaped at the sight as Shirou picked Lancer up and raised him above his head. Even as the servant tried to break out of his grasp, it was futile. The kid's strength had increased even more, easily transcending peak human conditions.

Rin herself felt like fainting at the sigh of her classmate as magical energy began to build up in his body. How? How had she not noticed this before? She was the owner of Fuyuki, yet how could she miss such a powerful magus in her territory?

Scratch that, this was no mere magus. No mage in the present day could ever stand against a heroic spirit. So the fact that Shirou was proceeding to manhandle a servant meant that he was not ordinary, even by magi standards.

 _"Quick! Say something witty before you finish him!"_

"Er..." It was a pretty odd order, but it made sense to him. Heroes always had to have that quippy one liner before they defeated their opponent, right?

"Oh come on! This is not fair! My damn master wasn't aware of someone like you!" Lancer moaned with obvious displeasure. "Why can't things go my way for once, huh? All I wanted was for a good ol' fashioned fight, not a wrestling match!"

"Sounds like being you is suffering... Allow me to save you from your pain!" Shirou declared as he threw Lancer down while he brought his knee up. With a sickening crack, the two connected and Lancer's mouth opened in a silent scream before he passed out. Dropping him to the ground and wiping his hands, Shirou gave a proud smile.

"Wow! That was incredible!" He exclaimed, seemingly giddy with what he just did. When he realized that he had two new guests in his backyard, his smile dropped a little. "Eh? Tohsaka? What are you doing here? And who is this guy?"

"..."

Tohsaka just stared at him for a moment before a smile wormed its way onto her face.

 _"Uh-Oh... Watch yourself, kid. This girl is a black widow if I've ever saw one."_

"Emiya..." Rin began sweetly, her tone conveying a darker tone. "Could you explain to me about what you just did? I had no idea that you were a mage."

Shirou blinked, before a look of realization hit him.

"Wait, you're a mage too?"

Tohsaka smiled, though it looked much more forced. "Yes, Emiya. I am a mage. More specifically, the second owner of Fuyuki. It's my job to be aware of any magical occurrence that happens in my territory, so imagine my surprise when my fellow classmate happens to be a mage himself."

Shirou bit his lip. "Um... well my old man wanted me to keep to myself. Magecraft isn't something to be shared with others, right?" He glanced at Archer, who was giving him a glare. "Anyway... whose he? I don't think I've seen him around."

Rin blinked. "Wait... how could you not know who he is? You just fought someone like him!"

"Eh? You mean this g-"

Shirou blinked as he glanced downwards and noticed that the blue man was gone. The small crater and kicked up dirt were still there, but any evidence of his presence was completely gone.

"Huh?"

"He got away. Turned into spirit form and left." Archer stated, a serious look on his face.

Rin pinched her nose and leveled a growl at Shirou, who whimpered under the pressure. Suddenly, his strength didn't seem like much against the wrath he was about to face.

"Emiya... we need to talk. _Now_."

* * *

 _"You live in an incredibly spaceous home, kid."_

"I inherited it from my old man. It was the only possession he had left."

 _"Well it's a good thing that you're not letting it waste away like a bad owner."_

Shirou sighed as he began washing the dishes for use. "You're not really just a voice in my head, are you?"

 _"Of course not! I'm an individual just like you! It's quite complicated, but I have merged myself with you to create a singular being. You felt that burst of magical strength earlier, yes? It was me who allowed you to do so."_

"Wait... what?"

 _"Yup. That was all me! It was thanks to my power that you defeated him! Be proud kid, not many people can say that they managed to defeat a servant in one on one combat. I usually never leave my home for this, but I made an exception for you!"_

"Servant? Is that what he was?" Shirou muttered, suddenly worried. If that was only a servant, then he clearly had a master. Minding the hierarchy, a master was usually more powerful than the servant. "But wait... are you saying that you're an individual person... yet you merged with me?"

 _"Yup, exactly! It's a little bit hard for me to interact with the world on my own nowadays, but it's much easier if I have a body to inhabit. So, using my magecraft, I hijacked the servant summoning ceremony and merged myself with you instead of taking a spiritual body."_

"I... still don't get it."

 _"Well, it's not really that complicated. The girl will give you a much more detailed explanation. If you want to examine our relationship, think of me as a passenger and you are the pilot. As the pilot, you have authority over me. Use my powers how you see fit. As the passenger, I'll just enjoy seeing where this road will take you."_

"I see..." Shirou muttered. "Well, thanks I guess. Without you, I'd be dead a second time."

 _"No probs, kid. I don't want my new toy dying on me before the fun can begin."_

"I do have a question, though."

 _"Go ahead."_

"What's your name?"

Silence for a minute, then a boisterous laugh could be heard.

 _"My name? I don't think you'll know it specifically. I'm not really too famous outside of the magic community, but since you asked..."_ The voice cleared its throat, clearly excited at the chance to introduce himself.

 _"_ _My name is Saint Germain! Saint Germain! I don't mind if you pause_ _at Saint, but relax and run it together — Saint-Germain! Yes, Saint-Germain! The hedonist by_ _the name of Saint-Germain has now appeared before a great future king! This is a cause for cel_ _ebration — or at least it is to me! My boy, Shirou Emiya, I have heard your inner wish and have seen your determination! I know what you wish for, deep within your heart."_

Shirou paused. "And that may be?"

 _"You wish to be like the heroes of old. A person who can save others, upholding the law and the wishes of the people._ _I will be a signpost on your quest to trace the stories of past heroes, an advisor to help you_ _scent ruin, a prophet who announces the end, and at times perhaps a dove with the branch of_ _hope clutched in its beak. That is the role the man called Saint-Germain will play for you. This is why I gave you the tools to save yourself."_

"Saint Germaine..."

Shirou whispered that name to himself as he searched his memory banks for a name like that. He had heard of a saint before, but never had he heard of a saint named Germaine. Nevertheless, he wasn't complaining. It was thanks to him that he was saved, and only thanks to him that his dream of being a hero could potentially be realized.

 _"Now then... prepare yourself, kid. Conversing with the girl shall be your first challenge. Be careful, women like her are very aggressive. I believe you call them tsundere? Or Deredere?"_

Shirou sighed. Yes, Tohsaka was known to be a very troublesome person to talk to, namely for Issei. Though, he wasn't too worried. How hard could it be to strike a conversation with her?

* * *

 **Hey Guys! This is a new fanfic I came up with after reading fate strange fake for a while. For those of you who don't know, St. Germaine is a historical figure who appears in the story, though it's only in flashbacks. However, this proves that he's at least eligible to be summoned as a servant in the future.**

 **For those of you who don't know, St. Germaine is a mythical master of theosophy. If any of you have searched him up on the wiki, you'll see that people have believed him to be a magic god. It was said that he was incredible at Alchemy, was a time traveler, and was a being of cosmic level power. There's actually an entire organization who actually acknowledge him as a powerful master, and there are also claims the Helena Blavatsky and him have actually interacted.**

 **So yeah, he's a pretty interesting character. In the novels, he claims that he's not a time-traveler, magus, vampire, or a certain troll who hops between worlds. However, he met Richard the Lionheart while he was alive and was implied to have also met Alexander the Great as well. So there's a couple cases of him time traveling already. Plus, he's more of a jokester and it is entirely likely that he was just lying for the hell of it.**

 **If any of you want to know more, read about him on the wiki or read the strange fake novels! They're actually pretty interesting and should give you some entertainment until the next apocrypha episode comes out!**

 **I'll see you in the next chapter!**

 **-mpmvirgo1**


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